Where I’m Writing From eli.cranor@gmail.com January 22, 2023 Eli Cranor is an Arkansas novelist whose debut novel, Don’t Know Tough, is available wherever books are sold. Don’t Know Tough made @USATODAYBooks’s “Best of 2022” list and the @nytimes “Best Crime Fiction” for 2022 Cranor can be reached using the “Contact” page at elicranor.com and found on Twitter @elicranor

I’m writing on the day of the college football National Championship.

The big game’s going down tonight between the Georgia Bulldogs and the Texas Christian University Horned Frogs.

Since I’m writing this previous to kickoff, I don’t know who will win the game. It hasn’t even been played yet! But you, on the other hand, already know the outcome (or at least you might, if you follow college football).

Which I find funny, the perfect jumping off point for an eccentric “Style” column that’s about to dip into the wide world of sports.

Here’s what so foxes my fever blister about tonight’s title game.

First off, the Bulldogs’ quarterback’s name is Stetson Bennett.

Sounds like the leading man in a Louis L’Amour novel. Now I’m picturing an old Colt Dragoon clutched tight in Stetson’s right hand instead of a football. He is a gunslinger, after all. Listed at five foot eleven inches tall on the Bulldogs’ roster, Stetson’s probably closer to five nine, but he sure does have a cannon for an arm.

Despite his diminutive stature, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Brother Bennett dishing dimes on Sunday, maybe playing for the Cowboys, if fate were kind enough to allow such perfect pairing.

I don’t know much about the Horned Frogs.

From what I hear, they’ve got a solid quarterback too. A kid named Max Duggan, son of “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan (okay, you caught me; his dad's name is Jim but he's not the Jim Duggan of pro-wrestling fame). Like I said, I don’t know much about TCU, except that maybe outside of the Razorbacks they’ve got one of college football’s most original mascots.

I get a real kick out of team names. Words in general are fun for an author, or a poet like Johnny Wink.

Those of you who’ve been reading along faithfully each week will remember Johnny was my English professor back when I was playing the same position as Max and Stetson for the Ouachita Baptist University football team.

On a recent visit to Arkadelphia, I got to talking team names with Johnny. I was in town for a quick visit and called him up to see if he wanted to meet for lunch. I also invited my former offensive coordinator, Jay Derby, aka “Coach Derb.”

Much to my surprise, Derb agreed to meet me and Johnny at the Chicken Express. We ate chicken strips and fried pickles. We drank sweet tea. And then, Johnny started in talking about the beating TCU had just put on some team I can’t remember now. Grinning, he said, “Those TCU boys sure ‘hornfrogged’ them.”

I couldn’t help it, I started grinning too.

Derb even chimed in, explaining how he hoped the Tigers would “hornfrog” the Reddies in the upcoming “Battle of the Ravine.”

Bellies full of fried chicken, an English professor, a coach, and a former-quarterback-turned novelist basked together in the wonderment of words. How a prickly mascot had been transformed into a froggy verb.

Derb’s not a reader. Ask him; he’ll tell you. But that day, sitting in a yellow booth with two self-professed bookworms, I think he understood what all the fuss was about. How we were playing a game, similar to the one he coached, and it was fun.

At this point in the vastness of space and time, I don’t know whether TCU will “hornfrog” the Bulldogs tonight, or if ol’ Stetson will win the duel with “Hacksaw” Max Dugan.

Honestly, I don’t care.

I just hope those boys have as much fun as me and Johnny and Derb did that day at Chicken Express.